Today's word: FUCK I can't even think of one word

So yeah I know I haven't written in here in a while but go hump a chicken, I've been busy.
Meanwhile I've watched Funny Games, Princess and the Frog, Shutter Island and rewatched TheRoad, but honestly right now I can't even manage to describe , I don't know, Sesame street let alone all of these movies.
So yeah, today Imma bitchwhine.
I haven't been able to sleep, not that I can't, just because I don't have the luxury of having time to sleep. Between impossible projects, house trouble, working @ my uncle's shop, a stupid schedule and friends constantly getting on my noggin, my university not taking any aplicants in , or the fact that I hadn't been noticed about it until after TWO MONTHS, during which time my application supervisors not only didn't contact me, they didn't answer any mails or PICK UP THE PHONE. Until now , when I try to reach a different supervisor from the same corp. , who tells me that they have taken my application to a differet college, to which I reply that they didnt have my degree and choose a different one , and they reply that I DONT HAVE TO CHANGE ANYTHING, THAT THE PROCESS HAS BEEN SENT.
I'm the mot collapsed person I can be right now.
I can't take a year in portugal then exchange, or else I will lose the funding when I go to england.
I can't take the degree in that other college in London, since I have no equivalent course and therefore, can't just transfer in the 2nd year to the college I want.
I can't apply to my college, since all the applicats have been chosen. And I would apply in January, but a friend of mine at that school tells me the courses are full until the next school year, some even september 2011.
So basically, my life is falling apart.
My home has been falling apart for some time now, though I think things are starting to get better, I've been through enough not to blindly trust in sudden changes.
All of my friends , at least the close ones, except for one, have been treating me like crap, prolly because subconsciously it's the esiest way for them to let me go.Either that, or they never were. So that's gone.
I have or at least I had, I no longer know when I'm going, two more months with th one person, aside from my family, that accepts me and loves me for who I am, unconditionally.
My shot at life, at a career, has been put down, my one escape from this hellhole in which I can't be myself without being accused of narcisism or need for attention, or superiority complex, or whatever excuse anyone has ever used to step aside from me, to put me down, to make themselves feel bigger.
My school is going good, though some projects are not do-able, as some of the members of the school faculty have agreed. But we must do it anyway, which is why I'm sleeping 3/4 hours a day.
My sanity has gone bazurk a long time ago, but every time shit gets real like it has lately, I start to wonde if it's me. What the fuck I have done to make peple hate me. What's wong with me. I start to think what the fuck I'm doing here anyway, and how simpler it would be if I wasn't. I manage to make myself think that it's my fault, which almost always is, one way or another, and think of ways to punish myself. I've had this problem carried in me for some time now, and I can't even mention this to anyone without sounding needy or drama-ish.
Truth is, this is me, and I am me and always will be. I just wish people would actually like me. That things worked out. Not everything, I'm not greedy. Just enough to I don't know, help me survive.
I've been having life like this. And I'm growing a lot from this. I am a strong person, I am. I just wanted...
I don't even know.
Just let me be me. Like me, stay, don't like me, go. But, let me be...
I have enough on my mind.
My birthday is tomorrow, and I'll spend it going to my psychologist. And trust me, I wouldn't have it any other way.